(been reading too much of The Onion!)
LYRDANEB, MN--Congregational meetings at Prairie Chalice Unitarian Church have been loud and exciting before, but this Sunday was the first time in memory that sirens were involved. Gus Stevenson, who had just moments before been elected to the church board, started gasping and fell to the ground.
Luckily, no one had actually turned off their cell phones during the morning service and thirteen people called 911. The paramedics arrived quickly and recognizing a severe allergic reaction, gave the man a quick shot of epinephrine.
"He'd gotten all red and splotchy in meetings before," said church secretary Muriel Krueger, "but we thought he was just angry about the bylaws revisions."
"He'd started breathing all weird when he was fighting the church president on the new brochure designs," said Coffee Hour coordinator Bart Michaels, "but we assumed he was joking when he said he was allergic to authority."
Mr. Stevenson was transported to the local hospital and released the next day. His doctors advised him to resign his leadership position and avoid any further meetings or responsibilities.
"I'm glad that I'm still alive, I guess," he admited, "but I will not let this disability keep me from finally getting this church to do all the things we should have done years ago."
As this story went to press, Mr. Stevenson was seeking allergists, homeopathic remedies, and ca lawyer to find out if the church was negligent for not having EpiPens in the building. If you can help him with any of these, please email email@example.com.