The Inherent Worth and Dignity of all...including LGBTQ teenagers (Guest Sermon 10/10/10 at UU Fellowship of Galveston County)

I've been asked to post this where colleagues can share it. Feel free, friends. --Katy (aka NancyDreUU)

(This is just an exercise and sermon. "Respectacles" refers to the pipe cleaner glasses I distributed for our story -- Oliver Button is a Sissy by Tomie dePaola. These high tech goggles help us to focus on respect in interactions.)

HERE is the sermon I originally planned to give. It’s a good one, meant to give you a basic understanding of Unitarian and Universalist histories and theology. But we’re dedicating the pulpit today to the nine young men we named in our meditation, and thousands others like them – desperate young men and women who need a place to feel welcomed and loved. Friends, there is work to be done.

Rather than a reading, I’d like you to get out the little sticky notes and pen or pencil you got with your order of service. On each paper, write down a word or phrase you might use to describe yourself. You’ve got about two minutes…. Ok, take another twenty seconds to finish up…

Congratulations. You’ve created a set of labels for yourself. Me, I identify as White, Unitarian Universalist, Glee fan, homeowner, cook, Polish, friend, educator, writer, parent.

Now I’d like you to sort your sticky notes -- which have been true your whole life? And which are more recent? For example, I have been white and Polish my whole life. It’s more recently that I’ve been a homeowner and a fan of the show Glee.

-What do you let others know and what do you keep private? What do you hide or even deny when asked? Obviously, I’m up here in front of y’all so I chose examples I am comfortable sharing. But sometimes what you can let people know changes...Sure, I can proclaim that I am Polish, but when my grandma Furmanski married my English grandpa seventy years ago, she had to hide that piece of her identity.

Ok – which of these could you change tomorrow if you wanted to? Which are unchanging? Which could change without your control?
-I could decide to hate Glee. My race is not going to change. And well, we all know that a hurricane or a foreclosure could take my home away… or I could decide to sell it all and become a nomad.

Take a minute or two to turn to the person next to you and share what you feel comfortable sharing – of your personal labels or how you sort them.

When we did this exercise, I asked only for descriptors you give yourself. Real life is far messier – other people are more than happy to label us. Sometimes those labels are accurate—whether a person owns them yet or not. Sometimes they’re an awful lot to live up to. And sometimes they are excruciatingly painful.

That, my friends, is the hell that is junior and senior high school.

Back before I even knew what Unitarian Universalism was, I taught middle school. One of my human development mentors explained that, “What in the younger years is written in pencil, by the end of adolescence will be written in permanent marker.” From ages 12 to 25, there’s a lot of testing and trying on – what fits? What can be pared away? What makes me… me? Adolescence is one big anxiety attack of What will I write on my nametag?

And sometimes anxiety gets to be too much. Each year, about 5000 Americans between 12 and 25 kill themselves. And we know that Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Questioning teens commit suicide at three times the rate of their heterosexual counterparts. The ratio for suicide attempts is even higher. Those statistics have been relatively stable over the last three decades.

But suddenly this last month it has become a major news story. We were given names and ages and locations and photos of at least nine young men who killed themselves – these nine struggled – either with their sexual orientation or with bullying – most with both.



Eighty-five percent of LGBTQ teens say that in the last year they’ve been verbally abused at school and forty percent have been physically harassed. Nearly twenty percent report physical assault at school. Nearly two-thirds report that they feel unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation or gender expression. And LGBTQ teens are four times more likely to run away than their heterosexual peers.

We read these stories and our hearts break. We’re frustrated and angry that schools aren’t doing more to protect these children, that families aren’t accepting enough or loving enough or just don’t know what their children struggle with every day.


A few weeks ago sex columnist Dan Savage started the It Gets Better Project for LGBTQ adults to send in their stories – an immediate way to connect with teens, to be able to say “I know it sucks right now, but here’s how my life has gotten better since the hell of my teen years.” Soon after, the Make it Better project was launched with suggestions of things to do NOW to make these teens’ lives better. Some schools and legislatures are re-examining their policies around bullying and support for all children. So some change is underway… but what steps are we called to take as Unitarian Universalists?

Here’s where my big ol’ history and theology sermon would come in handy, but I know the Texans play at noon, so here’s the quick summary – 19th century Unitarian William Ellery Channing channeled by current Unitarian Universalist minister Rebecca Parker --
We are neither depraved nor damned. The divine is in all of us and we are all saved – but we have a role in both uncovering the divine and the blessing of the world. We are responsible not only for the full unfolding of our own souls, but in removing any social structures which keep others from reaching their potentials.

So – we need to add another label to your identity. Think for a moment -- When you were a child, what superhero did you want to be? Did you have your favorite comic book character, or did you choose a power and a costume all your own? Did you ever jump off the roof to see if you could fly? Or were you content with your meek alter-ego?

Each of us has a hero inside of us. Some, like Superman and WonderWoman, are born with special gifts. Others, like Batman, use our cunning and integrity and an impressive array of technology. Some of us, like Spiderman, are forever transformed by life experience – and choose to use those powers for good.

What are your powers? What help do you need to develop your reflexes and utility belt? How can we fill your spirit with courage and hope so you can set aside your meek alter-ego and go out to bless the world? THIS, my friends, is work for a faith community. As Unitarian theologian James Luther Adams stated, church is where we go to practice being fully human.

This Coming Out Day, come out as a hero. Come out as an ally to LGBTQ youth who need to know that they have worth and they are worthy of love.

This sounds sort of big and scary, but we can break it down into practical items. First – things you can do personally – not necessarily in this building, but as a reflection of your Unitarian Universalist principles and ideals.

**Start by caring for yourself and your own family – if you see signs of depression, get help. If you see the warning signs of suicide – GET HELP RIGHT NOW. Talk to your children and grandchildren and nieces and nephews -- not just about being bullied, but about being the bully. Just because they are intelligent children and you’re teaching them great values, well… do not assume they will always do the right thing. Spend lots and lots of time with them – working on a project, riding in the car, watching movies – whatever… to open a space where they can tell you their struggles.

** Learn more about LGBTQ issues – what do all these letters mean? How do your own life experiences around sexuality shape your understanding? What do you still need to learn?

**Reflect on your own experiences with bullying, whether you were the bully or the bullied. What did it teach you? How have you changed and been changed?

**Wear your respectacles – not necessarily the pipe cleaners, but use the lens of our principles to look at the world and see where behaviors don’t quite measure up – your own and others’. “That’s so gay/lame/retarded” If you’re looking for ideas, comedienne Wanda Sykes has a great Public Service Announcement on this one.

**Speak out – share what you know, call people on disrespectful behavior, educate. In real life AND social media, baby.
– Let me tell you – Facebook is a great tool for this. Monday morning I got the link from Debra Haffner, executive director of the Religious Institute, asking anyone with access to a pulpit to abandon their planned Sunday sermon and instead do something about LGBT youth and adults. By 11am Tuesday, this congregation’s worship committee had enthusiastically agreed to the change and I had a new sermon title. That afternoon, I stopped at my library for some research and found a great little display in the teen area – books on coming out, bullying, and suicide prevention. I posted about it, again, on Facebook and an acquaintance from high school liked it – sent a message to me and some librarians… and by Saturday my hometown library, 1300 miles away, posted pictures of their brand new display for another group of teens and allies to access.

**Love out loud – whatever you do, do it from a place of love. It is easy to offer love to the bullied, to those who are obviously suffering. But we all need love – even when we have done lousy and scary stuff. And keep in mind as you speak out -- People don’t listen to strident. They listen to reasonable loving energy.

**Do we have anybody here today who works in the schools? Well, you’ve got some extra steps as you’re living in the war zone. Speak out speak out speak out. If you feel uncomfortable, do something to work through it. And love every single one of those kiddos, even the twerps. You might also look into the resources of the Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network on creating safe spaces for all youth.

Ok, enough about individuals -- what is The Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Galveston County, as a community of faith doing? Now, I work for one small congregation and am a member of another - I understand that small congregations cannot do everything.

So you need to be strategic – how can you be a voice in Galveston County and beyond? What do you need to learn to be effective allies? What energy can you as a congregation (not just interested individuals) lend to other organizations already doing the work?

As a relative stranger to your congregation, I do not know what you’re already doing. But I can make some suggestions that will help both the people in these seats and the people who need to find you –

**Become a Welcoming Congregation. This program of the Unitarian Universalist Association will educate the congregation and take you through some tough conversations – to prepare you to be truly welcoming to your LGBTQ visitors AND in your life between Sundays. This program generally takes nine to eighteen months and other congregations would be happy to help you get started.

**Participate in the UUA’s Standing on the Side of Love campaign – the mission is to harness love’s power to stop oppression – whether it is LGBT issues or immigration or any other civil rights growing edge.

**Consider offering comprehensive sexuality education. We call it OWL – Our Whole Lives. Imagine offering the saving message of “We know that we are all sexual beings, from the day we are born to the day we die. You are loved just the way you are. We want to help you to make informed decisions to stay safe and to live out your best values in the world – even when raging hormones are involved.”

**See what organizations already exist in your community – heck, I bet members of this congregation are already working with them. Do your schools or homeless shelters or health clinics have needs that you can fill without burning out? How can you share energies? And hey – how will you be present in the upcoming Galveston Pride parade?

A Unitarian Universalist recently told me that “we aren’t in the soul saving business.” He meant, of course, that we don’t do the born again thing, but I may have given him my teacher look. And I stated, “Unitarian Universalism saves souls every day.”

Let me say that again. Unitarian Universalism saves souls. Every Day.

And the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Galveston County is a part of that. I look forward to hearing what you start – I bet it will be something exciting and nurturing and world-changing.

Save the environment...

help find a cure for childhood cancer.

Seriously - cancer ain't green.

Chemo - that stuff is toxic, and anything the child excretes? Still
toxic. No more cloth diapers -- get it in a disposable, wear
diposable gloves (the nurses also wear disposable coats) while
changing said diaper and get it out of the house! Hazardous waste,
baby!

Hospitals in general - they give you a new toiletry kit every time you
wwalk in the door. Sure, you could organize the playroom with those
thin reddish tubs, but...ugh. One hospital stay and the stuff seems
novel. Maybe even kitschy. A room of it? No.

Gladware and aluminum trays and polystyrene - oh my! Getting a family
fed is a whole new struggle. In the hospital, well, the child's meals
might be covered, but not the parents'--so the choices are takeout or
merciful friends bringing food in. At home there's casserole patrol
from loving friends and family and congregations. And you do not
inflict additional dishwashing (and the obligation to return your
favorite pie plate) on a family struggling with cancer.

Transportation - most families do not live within easy walking
distance of a pediatric cancer center. There's a lot of driving
involved. And mentioning public transportation to the oncologist will
garner glares - THE GERMS!!

Tissues- Save parents the tears of cancer and you save acres upon
acres of virgin forest.

I could go on. And on. And on. But it's time for you to take action.

On September 25th, Lizard Eater will be
shaving off her beautiful long lustrous hair to raise funds for
childhood cancer research. Get the details and hand over your money
at http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/littlewarrior

(And bonus green points -- think of all the shampoo LizardEater won't
be adding to our water supply!)

Times, they are a-changin'...

While I was at General Assembly last week, my children were in the woods of Wisconsin. I met them there Sunday evening and they seemed to have grown immensely - perhaps due to the double breakfasts and double lunches they'd managed to finagle. They'd learned to drive the golf cart through wooded acres, and not only caught and cleaned loads of fish, but to batter and fry them. But they're still happy to climb into my lap and to let me ruffle their hair, so it's all good.

I joined them on the area lakes in my time "Up North" and well, my role was to feed fish worms. But it was lovely weather and there was plenty to see - my breath catches whenever I glimpse a bald eagle. I would point them out and there was no gasping. Just "Uh huh" and back to fishing. And I realized -- in my children's entire lifetimes, our national symbol has been off the endangered list. Heck, those majestic birds have been thriving. Yes, my children have heard my stories of what a big deal it used to be to spot an eagle, how you had to call the DNR to report nest sightings... but those aren't their stories.

The mangy little fox scampering down the bike lane got a bit more notice - they're still less visible and no bobbers held the kids' attention.

Minneapolis Gratitude Exercise #2

1) I've had a lot of opportunities for Calves of Steel workouts. And shoes enough to rotate where the raw spots congregate.
2) I've had any number of really authentic conversations, at nearly every hour of the day. It's a good thing my roommate is the sleeping type, or I'd talk all night.
3) Bacon. My best friend claims that I'm the only person who could come to General Assembly and become less of a vegetarian, but OHhhh, bacon. Salt and crunch and fat. Add some syrup and you get the sweet as well...
4) Rebecca Parker makes my heart sing. (If you missed the John Murray Lecture, you need to seek it out. Really. Don't be me and wear mascara.) And I refrained from leeching on her last night. But it took quite a bit of restraint.
5) Comfortable places to perch - couches and chairs and quiet alcoves -- the third floor restrooms at the Hilton are AMAZING happy coolness, probably costing more than my house. But so hospitable.

(Next: Northwoods Gratitude Exercises...posted after I get back from said woods. Be well, all!)

Synergy celebrated

Last night was Synergy - a multigenerational worship service honoring those bridging from the youth program to young adults. It was lovely. Lovely. (Ok, the gestures for Gathered Here inspired me to start brainstorming what gestures for It's Raining Men might be...)

After, all were invited to a celebration (CAKE!) at the Hilton and then there was a dance. I'll admit, I'm not much of one for dances, at least, not since my own middle school days. And then someone said "80s dance" -- huh. The MUSIC of my own middle school dances.

It was exuberant energy so it took very little to get me in the room, with a LREDA board member coming along. And what was the first song as I got near the floor? Blister in the Sun. Heck yeah.

You'll be happy (?) to know that today's youth know both YMCA and the Macarena, and an assortment of line dances which they probably do not recognize as such. (I resisted the urge to convince the DJ to switch over to Achey-Breaky Heart...) And the age range in the room was easily 15-70, not that I was carding anyone.

Reading List: Salsa, Soul, and Spirit

All our lives, we keep developing--we strengthen our systems if we include study in our business groups as well.

And so I read Salsa, Soul, and Spirit: Leadership for a Multicultural Age


Basic premise: How could our culture of leadership be strengthened by understanding and including perspectives from other traditions?

Author: Juana Bordas - http://www.mestizaleadership.com/books/juana-bordas.php

The book is very accessible with lots of story sharing and led me to some new understandings, not only of Latino, African American, and Native American leadership structures, but of the normative culture's structures. It turns out that some of the things that challenge me in our established UU paradigms are just things that I had never encountered in my Catholic, working class, ginormous family background. Huh.

Of course, as all these books do, this one gives me ideas for more books to read. I definitely need to read some history of the US from non-White perspectives. And probably I need to read a few of the "classic" leadership books so I can have a better understanding of what these rules of the mainstream culture ARE...

Sacred...but it sucks

(I apologize for the crude wording. I'm a product of my generation. I'll consider an edit before I use it from the pulpit.)

Sometimes the hardest, ickiest, most challenging work you do, whether it's home or career or church, is the most meaningful - the stuff that truly transforms you, those around you, and your systems.

That doesn't make it any less hard, icky, or challenging, though.

Well, maybe a little bit, if you realize how sacred it is while you're in the midst of it.

How are you a better person for doing something that, oh gosh, you really did not want to do?

Verklempt at GA

I walked in to the Opening Ceremonies frazzled and worn--it had been a long day, the third one this week. There was lots of new and lots of chaos. And you know -- I just wasn't feeling the spirit. I did a bit of networking and flipped through my program, trying to figure out what workshops look good for tomorrow. Tired. Bleh.

And then the Standing on the Side of Love posse walked in with their HUGE banner and the buttons to hand up up up the stands. And I cried a little. And we saw the banner for the Annapolis church (a flaming...crab) and I giggled a little.

And then Peter Mayer started Holy Now. I even knew it was coming AND have heard him perform it live before. And still, I was GONE. Tears running down my face, whispering along.

And then the folks from the various MN congregations? Oh, folks - if you were not there you need to watch the recording as soon as it comes up. People - that right there? That was my goals for my career and my religious community, up on the big screen.

Then more Peter Mayer, in multiple arrangements. MMmmmpf. Stick a fork in me - I'm done.

Minneapolis Gratitude Exercise #1

1) Friendly and helpful staff at hotels, restaurants, stores
2) Nicollet Mall is a great street to walk down, with lots of fun and beautiful things to see.
3) The SkyWalk is nice when it's suddenly hot and steamy and I'm not wearing as much sunscreen as I should be.
4) Having a fridge in both hotel rooms means I can bring home tasty leftovers and go to Kowalski's (grocery) for fruit and cheese and half and half.
5) Breakfast included at hotel #2 means I get to make myself a waffle in 6.5 hours.

Oops. I should probably get to sleep, so tomorrow I can include a gratitude statement about six hours of uninterrupted and comfortable sleep.

Oh gosh, I never answered the UU Salon question...

and I'm up to my neck in wonderful busy meetings and professional development and then taking on my very first General Assembly? And yeah, my hotel internet runs out in 12 minutes.

Oh, sweet friends, I'll just offer a song to feed the soul, ok?

(And that question is up at http://uusalon.blogspot.com/2010/05/june-big-question.html !)

Personal archeology

I'm clearing out the STUFF of my life. All the detritus that I sort through whenever I want to get to one specific something. I'm hopeful that this will save me time at some point, but for now, it's arduous and sweaty, sometimes anxious, often boring.

I collect cookbooks, but I make up recipes off the top of my head. Something there doesn't compute. So two big boxes out the door, handed off to friends who gleefully cracked them open and got to work.

This week my kids were roped into the struggle. (There was weeping about this NOT being a vacation for them...) Pulled all their books off their bookcase and asked which they wanted to keep...the others becoming a third grade library for a friend who'll return to the classroom in the fall. The kids had outgrown the majority of these books, and we hadn't really noticed. Hadn't taken the time.

Yesterday I finally gave in and emptied the large closet in our spare room. That's when it hit me - I was unpacking old versions of myself. Or scarier, old versions of my expectations of myself. Quilts I had started but not quite finished. Dried flowers--really? Was there ever a real plan, or just some idea that a suburban housewife would know to do SOMETHING with such things? Once I made that realization, it was much much easier to cull. I kept my sewing machine, four pieces of fabric (each with a specific project in mind), enough fiberfill to restuff some flattened pillows, and my mending box. Oh, and the glue gun, for the kids' class projects. One small box of stuff we might use for Sunday school, and all the rest we took to a center for artists. And now we have a mostly empty closet--welcoming for our guests, and a bit more breathing room for all of us.

Lighten my load...

Working toward credentialing as a religious educator, I've made a slightly ambitious goal of completing the basic reading requirements by the end of July. So I'm hunting down the last few books - the ones I haven't found in a church (or public) library, or in the hands of a friend.

One such friend is in seminary, so I wanted to see what overlap our lists might have. Not much, really. BUT -- holy cow, is a lot of the ministerial list available online in PDF form! Including a few of the books I need. So yippee - another five pounds I don't have to take on vacation!

(What can I say? I'm easily amused.)

Ministerial reading list: http://www.uua.org/leaders/leadership/ministerialcredentialing/16224.shtml

And the RE list:

http://www.uua.org/documents/recc/reading_list_annotated.pdf

Anyone know if those pursuing RE credentialing get the same 10% GA bookstore discount that aspirants and candidates get?

Loving the Internet...Let me count the ways...

No, I'm not actually going to count. But lately I keep noticing how internet makes my life happier.

Example: I've spent the past two weeks trudging through the print book of the Commission on Appraisal's Engaging Our Theological Diversity.

The commission did a lot of work. Surveys and talking sessions and lots of really good thought... and the book put me to sleep repeatedly. The content was excellent but...boggy. It could have been organized zap bing cool into a dynamic website - probably with ongoing opportunities for discussion?! Wild!!

(As far as I can tell, I'm the first person to read this book, a letter to the congregation still tucked inside the front cover...)

I'm still digesting any of a number of things I read, but the one that's stuck in my head right now is the idea of instrumental and terminal values - specifically in regards to community. Lots to think about there.

(I am doing a bunch of reading towards the credentialing process for Unitarian Universalist religious educators - if you'd like to know what that list looks like, check out

http://www.uua.org/documents/recc/reading_list_annotated.pdf )

Balancing work and the sabbath

For six days you may perform melachah, but the seventh day is a complete Sabbath, holy to the L-RD ... it is an eternal sign that in six days, the L-RD made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day he rested and was refreshed. -Exodus 31:15-17

When you work for a church, Sundays tend to be busy and/or stressful and/or exhausting. There's an awful lot going on from the little logistical wrinkles to a congregant's unexpected and deep need.

Many of us take off Monday as a personal sabbath. Some take another day off (knowing that there will be too many loose ends hanging about on Monday...). I'm in the Monday crowd, myself, but I was coming home a wreck every single Sunday. And then I had a Well DUH moment.

What if I really really looked at the WORK of my average Sunday and moved as much of it as I could to another day? As the RE director, obviously, I would still need to love people, to make sure classes were covered, to do the story for all ages-- But there was no need to be making copies, cutting construction paper, freaking about snack supplies--I would definitely be less stressed if I went into every Sunday knowing that the class supplies were 100% ready, my various worship obligations were completely prepared AND printed out AND where I could get them easily. I'm not necessarily the most organized person in the world, so this took more work and rethinking than even I would realize. I'm not all the way there yet, but hey, I have some spare energy this afternoon. Time to go see IronMan2.

Bonus Book: Teaching Godly Play

I had four meetings yesterday with four hours between numbers three and four. Perfect time to grab a book! (Oo--blog post to consider - what are the perfect times to grab a book? I can think of at least fifty...)

On the "loaned/promised back" pile was Jerome Berryman's Teaching Godly Play: The Sunday Morning Handbook. It's a thin book, few big words, and even some line drawings. Oh, happy times!

Put simply, Godly Play is Montessori learning theory in a Christian religious education setting. The classroom is very carefully arranged to be child-sized, well-organized, and to have exactly the elements needed to help a young child express existential thought. It is a rather amazing system. (Nita Penfold created SpiritPlay as the Unitarian Universalist version of Godly Play, if you're wondering why this sounds vaguely familiar.)

The book was a good choice for a break in the high action of my May. There's a strong feeling of calm and of love. Of knowing that what you have is worth sharing, and of being willing to do a lot of hard work to get there. I'm too lazy to (get off the couch, walk across the house, find the book, find the page, and) quote, but Berryman, an Episcopal priest, makes theology easy enough for children, but compelling enough that the adult instructors are pulled in and their own faith deepened.

Overall, the book inspires me in its intentionality. I'm going to a one-day introduction to Spirit Play in August, and this was a really lovely scaffold for future knowledge.

(I am doing a bunch of reading towards the credentialing process for Unitarian Universalist religious educators - if you'd like to know what that list looks like, check out

http://www.uua.org/documents/recc/reading_list_annotated.pdf )

Friday Book: Creating Congregations of Generous People

Today's reading was Michael Durall's Creating Congregations of Generous People - I cracked the book open and realized that I had read most of it years ago - indeed, this book was my second introduction to the work of stewardship. (My first, of course, was being a steward in my home congregation's annual campaign. These things happen when your best friend chairs the stewardship committee.)

Since my first read, I've read a pretty full handful of other books/manuals, sat in on a one-day Durall seminar, and helped with a few more stewardship campaigns, from "just" asking to gathering folks for hopes-and-dreams brainstorming and writing a case statement. Fun times.

So, in a way, the re-read is somewhat nostalgic. Nodding my head at ideas that resonate even after a dozen iterations, face-palming at the same foibles and stumbles again and again. I'm reminded of how easy it is to take the easy path, and how hard to change culture.

I love the quotations collected at various congregations, and I'm intrigued by some of the questions asked -- now to continue the work of making a sacred space where those questions can be honestly and safely examined!

(I am doing a bunch of reading towards the credentialing process for Unitarian Universalist religious educators - if you'd like to know what that list looks like, check out

http://www.uua.org/documents/recc/reading_list_annotated.pdf )

Whom* do you adore?

I don't (just) mean this in a romantic way. Whom do you adore? Who makes your world a sweeter place?

Do they know you adore them?

Do their (other) loved ones know the stories you tell, the happy memories that get you through?

Tell them.

(Who sounds better, and comes up in more google searches, but my inner English teacher INSISTS that it should be whom. Whatever. You get my point... I hope?)

Soul?

The May big question over at the UU Salon (uusalon.blogspot.com) is
What is a soul?

Does it exist before we are born? Does it disappear when we die? It is unchangeable, or capable of growing/shrinking/strengthening? Can you lose your soul, or gain one?

I’m at a stage in life where I’m most distracted with the questions of this life (Is there enough bread for toast? When are my library books due? How can I better practice what I believe and still make it to carpool?)– I’m perfectly fine with a sense of mystery for the before/afterlife.

As a religious educator and a parent, I know that we are all born with a soul, each one unique and beautiful. It is the job (and great honor!) of a religious community to hold these souls, carefully but loosely, supporting them and helping them to discover the world.

I would not say that souls shrink, but I do think they can get buried (and perhaps a bit wrinkled or spindled) under all the Other Stuff of life. Sometimes they’re purposely covered up as a last-ditch effort at protection. Sometimes they’re just set aside and forgotten in the too-much-to-do, gotta-get-through-the-game-of-life.

And again, there is work for the religious community. How do we elevate the care and maintenance of souls? How do we encourage our congregants to value their own, as well as those of others? How do we make a safe space for souls within our doors, and out in the world?

UU Salon: May 2010, "What is a Soul?"

Come Read A Book With Us!

The first experiment in RE group reading will be Essex Conversations -- essays around the questions of

-As Unitarian Universalists enter the 21st century, what is central to our evolving faith?

-What are our goals for lifespan religious education?

-What are the vital components of our curricula?

http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/32946.UU_REads

The plan is to read an essay or two each week and discuss as the spirit moves us. Most essays are about ten pages each, so it should not be an onerous task.

This week we're reading the introduction and the first essay -- Rev. Dr. Barry M. Andrews - Educating for Faith. It's the fourth passage I've read this week pulling from William James - guess I better read up on him, too...

Finding Balance

One of the Tapestry of Faith curricula is Moral Tales -- a great collection of sessions, each exploring a moral value, with a story from one of many traditions. As a visual, you create a Moral Compass - it looks like a compass, divided into 16 wedges, each for a different value. Perseverance, Responsibility, Courage, etc. I made the compass at the beginning of the year, and printed out each of the values in 36 pt and set them in a specific spot so I could just add a slip to the weekly basket...

And then life got busy and my office piles took over and that one specific spot, well, something else must have needed that spot, or perhaps there was a strong breeze. No idea. I only know that we had a few weeks where we couldn't find the slips of paper.

Of course, when you can't find anything in your office, it takes three times as long to get anything done, and geez, it makes it hard to be in a good mood. I started coming into work EARLY EARLY one day each week, spending an hour or so attacking the mess before anyone else was in the building. The art project Mable forgot to take home. Pictures from thirty years ago that someone wanted me to have. A few thousand papers I should have recycled way back when. That sermon from that guy in St. Louis that I had been meaning to read for three years. OH, the stuff...

Finally I found the slips of paper! Or at least, most of them.

Balance has gone missing. I'll type up a replacement slip for now, and know that I can't check that one off my to do list quite yet.

Growing Potters

One of my favorite stories from our Universalist heritage is the story of Thomas Potter and John Murray. You can read a dozen versions of it elsewhere, but the gist? John Murray was a Universalist minister in England - but life got really horrendously awful. We're talking Job, here. He set sail for America, to lose himself in a new land. The ship gets within sight of the New Jersey coastline and they're stuck. Murray goes ashore to barter with someone for supplies and meets Thomas Potter who just happens to be a Universalist and has BUILT A CHURCH and has been waiting for a minister to come along. Murray shakes his head. "Not your guy, sorry." Potter tries to wrangle something out of him and it just isn't working--but he finally gets the glum man to agree -- if the wind hasn't changed and the ship is still stuck? Yeah, fine. We'll have a service Sunday.

Thank goodness that the wind didn't change. Murray went on to spend the next 39 years spreading the good word of Universalism in the colonies (and soon, the fledgling nation.)

As cool as Murray was, I keep coming back to Thomas Potter. This illiterate farmer had done some thinking and decided that Universalism made a lot of sense to him. But there was no Universalist church anywhere near, so he built a church on his land...and waited. (In the mean time, he let other groups use the church, with or without ministers.)

How can we develop Potters in our congregations? People who are willing to do the hard work, to create a sacred space and invite in change, wrestling with others' reluctance to bring forth their prophetic voices?

Awakening and Brainwashing Souls

Ever notice a word popping up in most everything you're reading, whether it's a book or an article or a website?

This week mine has been "inculcate". Dictionary definitions lean toward repetition, rote, and even brainwashing. The Online Etymology Dictionary claims that it came into usage in the 1540s, from L. inculcatus, pp. of inculcare "force upon, stamp in," from in- "in" + calcare "to tread, press in," from calx (1) "heel."

Why, yes, I am reading lots of educational theory. But I'm a Religious Educator, and a Unitarian Universalist at that -- I seem to recall our Unitarian forefather William Ellery Channing saying

The great end in religious instruction is not to stamp our minds upon the young, but to stir up their own;

Not to make them see with our eyes, but to look inquiringly and steadily with their own;
Not to give them a definite amount of knowledge, but to inspire a fervent love of truth;
Not to form an outward regularity, but to touch inward springs;
Not to bind them by ineradicable prejudices to our particular sect or peculiar notions,
But to prepare them for impartial, conscientious judging of whatever subjects may be offered to their decision;
Not to burden the memory, but to quicken and strengthen the power of thought;
Not to impose religion upon them in the form of arbitrary rules, but to awaken the conscience, the moral discernment.
In a word, the great end is to awaken the soul, to excite and cherish the spiritual life.

It's too bad Channing didn't include lesson plans and materials lists with that. It would make my job so much simpler.

Dread and Treasure

I'll admit it - sometimes I clear my desk by throwing everything into a basket. Sometimes it's an oversized laundry basket.

Then it becomes a Dread Object. You know, those things you don't want to deal with because WHO KNOWS what's in there and what will you do with it anyway and oh, if people knew what you were hiding... they would have such a horrible picture of you! Whee, anxiety. In a laundry basket. I'd prefer dirty socks, thanks.

Today I got brave and emptied the big laundry basket. I found all the props from a sermon I did in January '09, notes from a few workshops, a bunch of stuff I should have recycled long, long ago.

AND TREASURE!

A bunch of early Unitarian Universalist (1961-1963) pamphlets:

So You Are Concerned w/ Children's Worship (All three bulletins)

What Speaks to Our Children (Robert L. Cope)

Dynamic Religious Education (Jack Kent)

The Methods of Religious Education (Robert L'H. Miller)

Guide for Parents of Children Studying Child of the Sun (Beverly Shimmin)

Any Size is the Right Size (Mary Lou Page)

And a more recent addition, which I've been hunting for months:

What Did Jesus Say About Homosexuality?

My reading glasses didn't make it to work today--actually perusing any of the material will wait for a luckier day. But none of it goes back in the basket. Or on the desk.

New GOODREADS group for Religious Educators...

and anyone else who might be interested...

http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/32946.UU_REads

This group is a "place" for Unitarian Universalist Religious Educators to share what they are reading as they seek to understand, to facilitate, and to grow Unitarian Universalists and Unitarian Universalism. Yes, we'll definitely hit on the credentialing annotated resource list, but revelation is not sealed and there is some truth in most every book.

Buddha in Your Backpack...

Sometimes, quite on a whim, we come up with new projects for ourselves...

My latest is to preview some of the gazillions of "Teens' Guide to X Religon" on the shelves of the local library. Partially to know what's available for our youth and young adults, and partially because, well, I can do that reading while my brain is tired... First in my hand was _Buddha in Your Backpack: Everyday Buddhism for Teens_ by Franz Metcalf.

In general, accessible and covers all the major bases of both Buddhism and the teen years. His tone has some painful moments of "I'm trying too hard to sound cool to teenagers", but he's got a passion for both subjects and some really great resources.

The sexuality section was not *quite* OWL values, but almost. Any youth who has taken OWL will be nodding their head.

(I am doing a bunch of reading towards the credentialing process for Unitarian Universalist religious educators - if you'd like to know what that list looks like, check out

http://www.uua.org/documents/recc/reading_list_annotated.pdf )

Struggling with a book...

I finished reading _Every Person's Guide to Judaism_ and honestly, it was a bit glossy for me. I wanted something a little deeper--something that got into the overall theology... and in one of those coincidences of the electronic age, I got an email from the library listing new additions to their religion section.

And so I picked up Judaism: A Way of Being by David Hillel Gelernter. The email blurb had sounded PERFECT -- four thematic images that tie it all together, plus the Jewish answers to some of life's biggest questions...and while written for the searching Jew, it would be interesting to all students of religion.

Well, first of all, it appears that I'm not ENOUGH of a student of religion yet - he had references to the Torah and Talmud that were WAY beyond me - I did some side research as best I could.

Gelernter's also Modern Orthodox, or as he prefers, Normative. He is pretty darned certain that people stepping outside of traditional gender roles will destroy civilization....what? I had to put the book down a few times - he may call it "perfect asymmetry", but claiming that a woman (or homosexual man) is "fundamentally unfit" for the bimah? I don't buy your arguments, sir. Especially the misunderstanding of Shakespeare writing his female roles for female actors...

There was much in the book that was fascinating and some was even inspiring. It led me to more deeply consider the Abraham-Hashem relationship, to the point where I'm scripting not only their conversation, but Abraham's explanation to Sarah when Isaac spills the beans on Camping with Dad...

(I am doing a bunch of reading towards the credentialing process for Unitarian Universalist religious educators - if you'd like to know what that list looks like, check out http://www.uua.org/documents/recc/reading_list_annotated.pdf )

Will you be having an open bar at your reception?

(I swear, I'll get back to commentary on my reading list really soon.)

Why have an open bar at your wedding reception?

Well, it will add a certain sense of celebration and community - it is tradition around the world for people to come together to toast the occasion. It will definitely make much of your crowd happy.

But there are a few things to keep in mind besides the monetary expense--

It may set the tone for the entire event - people linger at the bar rather than mingling or getting in the buffet line. There may be some amount of raucous behavior, yes? When the booze is free, people may very well partake of it more than they usually do.

You probably want to have a few trusted family members or friends on hand to help manage people who have had enough. Or will you simply hope that the bartender handles it?

Be respectful as well, to those who may be in recovery, or who choose not to drink for other reasons. Attractive non-alcoholic alternatives are signs of a conscientious host.

--

Having unrestricted Joys and Sorrows in the worship service is like having an open bar.

Yes, it can add a certain sense of community and it will make a lot of people happy.

But it also sets the tone for the entire worship, and may lead things down unexpected (and sometimes chaotic) roads. It may even make some people uncomfortable.

And just as a reception may need those people willing to be "bouncers", a congregation needs to have elders who will take on such a role, articulating the rules of the tradition and speaking firmly and lovingly (after the service) to those who need clarification.

As in all things, your mileage may vary.

How does your faith enhance your life?

Reading: Every Person's Guide to Judaism (Einstein and Kukoff)

"For many Jews-by-Choice, their relationship with a Jew was the original impetus to explore Judaism....While an impending marriage with its accompanying thoughts of home building and child rearing may be the reason that some people begin to explore Judaism, it is important to realize that conversion is not a favor that one person does for another, regardless of the depth of love between them. Ultimately the choice of Judaism must be one that individuals make because it is right for them and because they believe that Judaism will be life-enhancing for them personally."

I'm just really digging the term "life-enhancing" as a criteria for choosing a faith. At first, enhancing seemed a bit shallow a word. Then I got the mental image of the folks cleaning the Sistine Chapel with qtips, it suddenly just coming into majestic new color...

(I am doing a bunch of reading toward the credentialing process for Unitarain Universalist religious educators - if

you'd like to see what that list looks like, see http://www.uua.org/documents/recc/reading_list_annotated.pdf )

UUism suffusing life?

Reading: Every Person's Guide to Judaism (Einstein and Kukoff)

"...this book is not simply about customs and ceremonies. Its focus is the deep connection between Jewish theology and Jewish living. Judaism is not merely a religion. It is a system that suffuses the life of its adherents."

Oh, how I would love to be able to insert "Unitarian Universalist/Unitarian Universalism" into those sentences. Authentically. Ours is a religion and we have theology. And we have oodles and oodles of wonderfully spiritual people doing wonderful work in the world... who do not want to own the words or do not recognize all that they do as an embodiment of Unitarian Universalism.

There is huge cultural work to be done. Sacred spaces to be created, baggage to be faced, and sweet revelations celebrated.

I'm ready to work and ready to celebrate. How 'bout you?

(I am doing a bunch of reading towards the credentialing process for Unitarian Universalist religious educators - if you'd like to know what that list looks like, check out http://www.uua.org/documents/recc/reading_list_annotated.pdf )